What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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