Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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