Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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