I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
