I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
