Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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