I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
