It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
