You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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