5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
