We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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