Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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