from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
