You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
