You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
