flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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