Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
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The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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