So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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