please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
last night I used snow as a chaser
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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