Please, let me fuck your mom
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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