Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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