i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
