Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
