I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
