Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
