I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
