The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
