So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
