hotel room ftw
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
