im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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