god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
