I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
