four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
