its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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