you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
