I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
we're so committed to being not committed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
