My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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