Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
