that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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