i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
operation have a gay friend backfired
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
