Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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