remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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