I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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