Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
