So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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