why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
