shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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