Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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