You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am one with the molecules
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
