i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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