i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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