Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
