at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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