Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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