He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how do flat chested girls get laid?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
