that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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