I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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