3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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