wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
