I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
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he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Pooping to opera.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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