i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
