Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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