Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
