I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
