we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Randomize
