this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So much rum. So many feels.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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