So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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