it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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