Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
