are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
