You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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