I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize