i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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