Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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