my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
